Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Not Sure How To Say This

My name's Lyndsay.  I'm...I was, Caspian's roommate.  He wrote about me a few times.

I'm...it's hard to write this.  It's hard because it's still hitting me pretty hard, and it's hard because I don't really know what happened.  I've been thinking it over for a day now and I'm still not really sure.

I didn't hate him for what he said.  None of us did.  He told us in person, after posting it.  We all understood why he did what he did, and he was so happy.  I don't think I've ever seen him so happy.

I've had this window up for a few hours now.  I just have to keep coming back to it.  I have to take breaks.  I've been crying a lot, these past couple of days.

It was the night after he told us about his sister, and he was just so happy going to bed, almost serene.  He was in his room for a couple hours before he called me there.

Sorry, needed to take another break.  I'm still...not really sure how to feel.  I don't understand what I saw, not completely.

He was standing there, in his room, next to this....well, I guess it was the Big Bad Wolf.  I guess that's the best way to describe it, this massive, black canine thing.  Caspian looked to me, and he smiled, and he told me he was going away.  Going away to be with his sister and his brother.  Forever.

The Wolf, it was like it, it tore a hole in the room, a hole to somewhere else, and it trotted inside, and he told me, don't be sad, because he's doing this because he has to.

He thanked me for being his friend, and he went through the hole.

It closed.  And now he's gone.

I don't know if I believed him before, but I do now.  I don't know what to do.

A part of me just wants to leave this place.  Get a new apartment, maybe go in on something with Justin and his girlfriend.

But what if he comes back?  I don't want to not be here for him.  He...deserves someone to be here for him.

But I guess that's not your concern.  But I thought you should know what happened.  I think he would have wanted it this way.

I hope you're at peace, wherever you are, Caspian.  You deserve it.  And if you ever come back...I'll be here for you.  I promise.

And wherever you are, Caspian's Mom?  I hope the Big Bad Wolf is eating you, one little piece at a time, until the end of time.


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