Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Real Truth

It's closer tonight.  It moved two steps.  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to die.  But I don't want to lose everything I have.  I don't want to lose my friends.  They're all I have left.

I have to choose one or the other, though.  I have to, and they'll hate me for this.  Everyone will hate me.  They'll hate me for what I did.  They'll hate me for not saying anything sooner.  Maybe I could have stopped this, if I'd just stopped lying faster.  Maybe if I'd listened to Edmund, I could have saved his life, instead of acting like a complete and total coward.  Like usual.

Lucy was our little sister.  She was such a beautiful baby.  So innocent and fragile.  We couldn't let Mom do to her what she did to us.  We couldn't let her.

So we killed her.  Just gave her a bit too much of the stuff Mom was using to slow her growth.

It was mercy.  We wanted to be merciful.  We didn't want her to have to live like we were.  We didn't want her to live in hell.  We should have called someone, should have told someone what she was doing to us, by she convinced us they wouldn't care.  They'd never care.  Only Mommy would care for us.  And we believed her, because she was the only truth we knew.

And we killed Lucy, we killed her and Mom got so much sympathy, poor single mother, on her own.  She'd told everyone that Lucy had been the product of rape, and that she was having her anyway.  But Lucy wasn't the product of rape, she was the product of a drunken night with a man we never saw again.  But now her precious little angel was dead, and you know the rest, we knew she would kill one of us, so we killed her.

But we killed Lucy first.  We killed our innocent little sister.  That was our secret.  What no one knew.  That was it.

I'm sending this link.  I'm sending it to everyone I know.

Even if it kills me now.  Even then, it'll be good.  Feel good to die with this out.  No more hiding from the truth.  If this is the last thing I'm going to do,  then I'll go to death with this off my heart.

And if I'm going to die, then maybe Lucy and Edmund will be there, waiting for me.  Maybe she's forgiven me.  If the Big Bad Wolf is here for me tomorrow night...I'll just walk up to it.  Walk up to it and let it take me.  Better than waiting for it to get me.

Goodbye.  If anyone has been reading this, thank you for just being there and reading.

I hope I'll be able to update this again.

--Caspian Nod

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