WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES WOLVES WOLVES  WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL  WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES  WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL  WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES WOLVES  WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL  WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL  WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES  WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOOL WOLVES  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL WOLVES WOLVES WOLVES  WOOL   WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL WOLVES  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL WOLVES  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL WOLVES  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL WOLVES WOLVES WOLVES WOLVES  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL  WOOL WOLVES WOLVES LITTLE LAMB LITTLE LAMB TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND HOWL

Still Not Much

Spring break came and went.  Still here, still in the same house, with the same roommate.

I thought I had the flu over break, but I was talked down into admitting it was just an allergy.  I'm in a bit of a better frame of mind, I think.

Gatsby called me today.  He didn't talk long.  It's the first time he's really talked to me on his own in years.  He didn't say much, just kept talking, asking me how I've been.  More than once.  Kept asking how I've been sleeping.

He also said things I won't repeat.  Personal things that I never want to talk about and he always wants to talk about.

Just before he hung up, though, he asked me about the thing he said to me right before I left.  I acted like I didn't know what he was talking about and he told me that that was good.  That was the way it should be.

I hope he's doing alright.  He sounds even more paranoid than normal.  Hope his new meds aren't causing side effects.

Nothing Much To Say

Except that I apparently posted in my sleep again.

No nightmares.  No phantom scratching.  Classes have been going a whole lot better.  I've even talked to Koji a few times!  Still don't know if he was actually interested or anything, but it's progress, right?

I've even been hanging out with the others more.  Justin's friend Stephanie, him, Lyndsay, and I all played some Rock Band the other night, and then Smash Brothers until we passed out.  It feels good to have things sort of on track again, you know?

Well, for me, anyway.  Apparently Lyndsay's been having troubles with her internet boyfriend lately.  Been up a lot of nights talking to her about it.

Speaking of being up nights, probably should go to bed, while I have the luxury of going to bed early.

LITTLE LAMB LITTLE LAMB

DO YOU KNOW WHO BLED THEE?

Met With Gatsby

I really don't want to talk about it, though.  We talked about some personal stuff.

We did our normal thing, I guess.  Just walked around the grounds, an orderly watching us the whole time.  He's doing well, all things considered.  Seemed more lucid than usual.  I think they have him on something that's really helping him.

I wish he didn't have to stay out there all alone all the time.  No one but me visits him.  I guess he really doesn't have anyone else.  He was happy to see me, though.  Mostly, anyway.

He did ask me something weird, though, as I was leaving.

"Carraway....have you seen the Big Bad Wolf?"

I didn't get a chance to answer.  I don't think I have?  I don't know what that means.

Except my dreams, a lot  of the time...what he says in my dreams.  They're usually things having to do with, well, the Big Bad Wolf...or lambs.  Like that thing I wrote when I black out, those were both quotes from my dreams.  I don't know what they mean.  Do dreams even mean anything?

Maybe this'll start to get things normal, though.  Maybe talking to him was enough.  He's doing okay.

Lyndsay wanted to know all about it on the ride back.  I love her but she is nosy as hell.  She's stopped asking as much, though.  I hate talking about things like that, you know?  A lot of unpleasant memories.

Anyway, no scratching yet.  No nightmares last night, either.  Hopefully the trend holds.

...What I'm Not Talking About

...I guess it's pretty obvious by now that I'm specifically not talking about something.  Something in particular.

Yes, I'm still having nightmares from time to time.  Yes, I'm still hearing the scratching.

Yes, I think it's coming from my window.

No, I haven't seen anything at it.  Yes, my sleeping has gotten worse.  A lot worse.  Even when I take melatonin.  Especially then, I think, because I don't wake up.  I sleep through the night and the dream just goes on after.  I don't really want to talk about it.  Or think about it.   Last time I literally scrubbed a layer of skin off a patch of my arm.

There aren't any branches near my window.  The closest ones all fell off first.  It's happening more and more.  It's  happening now.  I'm a wreck.  I'm not going to classes as often.  I'm missing papers.  Had to get a letter from my therapist.  He thinks I should just retroactively cancel the semester and just take the rest of it off, but I don't know.  I'm so close to being done, I just want to finish it.

Maybe I should take a trip to visit Gatsby.  Maybe that would help things.  I miss him.

Well, my therapist did say it might help.  I just need to call the hospital before I go.  Might as well go this weekend.  Maybe Lyndsay or Justin'll give me a ride.

Going to try to sleep again.  Hope the scratching won't keep me up.

Death of Many Cuts

I think my classes might literally kill me.

I've been really tired, waking up, lately.  For a while I was convinced I had mono, but Lyndsay's said, no, and that I should probably blog about thinking I have mono.  So here I am, with more Castigation.

Justin's said that would mean I would have had to kiss somebody, so I'm home free.

I hope his latest girlfriend makes his dick turn green and fall off.

Anyway, I've been late to some classes, and haven't really done as much work as I should.  Not really sure what to do.  Maybe I need more melatonin.

I think the maple in the backyard is dying.  It's hard to tell, but some of its branches have just fallen off lately, and the wood is rotten all the way through.  I don't know what's causing it.  The landlord STILL hasn't even looked at the dead grass.

And to top it all off, Koji hasn't really talked to me or anything in a while.  Not that that should be a surprise or anything, considering how completely useless I've been at talking to him.

My Head

I think I'll stop being hungover by like April.

I should never listen to Justin.

Ever.

Worst Friend of the Year Goes to Justin

Seriously.  He wants to go out drinking tonight.  On Unofficial.

Lyndsay even agreed.  Of all the nights for her to not stay in and send dirty chat to her internet boyfriend, tonight is the one she says we should go out and have fun.

He says it "won't be so bad" and that I should "stop being even more of a sissy than I normally am."

God damnit.

I guess I have to go.  This will not go well.

Remember me as I lived, dear readers!

The Coming Storm

I think the partying has already started.

I've heard rumors that Unofficial is going to be two days this year.  I am eternally grateful I do not live on campus.  I remember my first year at this school, getting woken up at the crack of dawn by partying, and then walking to class through what looked like bags of salad, opened and strewn across the sidewalk.  And Unofficial St. Patrick's Day has been all downhill from there.

I found some more dead patches in the backyard.  Lyndsay and I have been taking turns calling our landlord about them.  I'm pretty sure he'll get to them a couple months after we move out.

It's weird, now that I'm looking at them, they seem to show up in fours.

Nothing else really to report.